What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 09:39
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?
Especially a lifetime of it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So whats the point in blame.
She loved him until the end.
What is the sum of X+XX+XXX+XXXX?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why do untreated borderlines always blame their partners when they actually think they are normal?
My life is so biszare .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do I want to suck cock, after smoking methamphetamine?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What's the hardest part about marriage that no one ever talks about?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We all went to grammer schools
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why did Obito, a supposed "bad person," do good things for Kakashi?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot live in the past .
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I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Which is the correct Tamil New Year, Thai-1 or Chithirai-1?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What does it mean if someone asks if it’s pink?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So, i spoilt her more .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When she asked me how she looked .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ive learnt so much.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I have no regrets .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i lived it daily.
She was in good health!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Put me off passion for life!!
He knew the spot.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was 9 years of age.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
I could never make a relationship work though!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She wouldn,t have been !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She found it foreign!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I don,t even have a pension.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
All the time i was locked up.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But it wasn’t much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is soul school!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I said to her
What did i know ?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was very sick at this time too.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Who then, do I blame.?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..